Truth Behind How College Football Playoff Committee First Meeting Went

 

What really happened during the first, and only, meeting between the college football player committee? I have the inside scoop on how it all went down.

Note – this is 100% satire, but based on reality and possibly some true conversations.
Note 2 – for convenience, this committee has only 5 members, plus a moderator.

Moderator: Okay, let’s start. I think we can all agree Georgia is #1, right?

Committee member 1: Georgia? I thought we usually put Alabama at #1?

Committee member 2: Or Clemson?

Moderator: Guys, Alabama has lost a game. Clemson has lost 3.  Don’t you watch the games?

*Crickets*

Committee member 3: Georgia beat Kentucky. They always have the best recruiting class.

Moderator: That’s basketball. You guys really don’t pay attention, do you?

member 1: 1-4 should be Alabama, Clemson, Ohio State, and we can include Georgia too.

Committee member 4: Oklahoma at #5. We always need to include them high.

Committee member 5: Okay let’s get back on track. I think Georgia is #1. They are an undefeated SEC team and they beat Clemson. We always put undefeated SEC teams #1, it’s just usually Alabama.

member 3: I second this.

Moderator: Okay, all in favor of Georgia #1?

All: Ay.

Moderator: Great, how about #2?

member 1: Alabama!

member 3: Ohio State!

member 5: How about Cincinnati? 

member 4: Sir, this is college, not pro. We’re not including the Bengals. 

member 5: The Bearcats..

member 1: Is that a thing?

member 2: The what? Cincinnati has a college team? 

member 3: Yeah, I thought Ohio State was the only FBS team in Ohio? 

member 1: Don’t the play in Conference USA? 

member 5: Well, that was in the 90s. Now, they are in the AAC. 

member 1: Isn’t that the same conference as UCF? 

5: Yes. 

4: Yeah, no one cares. Ok, so Alabama #2? 

3: They beat Florida, who won a title like 10 years ago. They beat Miami, who won one 20 years ago. I like them.

5: But they lost to Texas A&M when they were unranked?

4: Who cares! They are still an SEC team. A real powerhouse. The loss shouldn’t matter, with the types of teams they have beaten so far.

3: All SEC losses are created equal. Doesn’t matter if it’s Texas A&M or South Carolina or Vanderbilt. There is no bad loss in the SEC.

2: Agreed.

Moderator: All in favor?

All: Ay 

1: LSU #3? 

2: But they stink. 

4: But they won the championship like 2 years ago. We can’t give them another chance?

2: No.

1: Fine. Florida? 

5: They are 4-4. 

1: Okay! So we’re cool with Florida at 3? 

3: How about Michigan State? 

1: Are they in the SEC? 

3: No, well Michigan is north and the SEC is south. 

2: So, no. Guys this is the SEC power rankings meeting. Why are these northern teams being mentioned.

1: Texas A&M beat Alabama. I think they should be considered for #3.

4: A&M lost to Mississippi State.

3: They were #1 the first time we ever did this. Should they be #3??

2: Na, but they should definitely be ranked.

5: They have 3 losses.

2: So we’ll put them at like 16 or 17.

4: What about Auburn at 3?

5: How about Cincinnati at #3? They beat Notre Dame. 

1: (laughing) Dude, everyone beats Notre Dame

5: They are 7-1. 

4: Exactly! They have a loss. How can a team with a loss be ranked #3? 

5: Well, no. I don’t think Notre Dame should be ranked 3. I think it should be Cincinnati, who beat Notre Dame. 

3. But the Irish have a loss you just said, right? So how impressive of a win can it be for Cincinnati? If Notre Dame was undefeated, it would be a better win for Cincinnati. 

Moderator: So who do we like at #3? 

1: Anyone from the SEC! 

3: Again, I ask about Michigan State. They beat Michigan. 

1: (laughs) Yeah, because Harbaugh has never won a big game. 

2: Who else has Michigan State beaten? Anyone good?

4: Yeah, anyone over .500?

3: Ummm. Well.

1: Yeah, who?

3: Miami

2: Is this the ’90s?

3: Nebraska

2: I just asked, is this the ’90s??

3: Indiana

1: Is this 2020?

5: Jokes aside, beating Michigan is impressive.

1: Yeah, in 1997 maybe.

Moderator: How do we feel about Michigan State at #3?

2: Well, does anyone have a better win than them this year?

5: Cincinnati beat Notre Dame

4: That’s not it.

3: Oregon beat Ohio State.

1: That’s impressive actually.

2: If the goal is to rank the top SEC teams, isn’t Michigan State coached by Mel Tucker, a potential candidate to become LSU head coach? I say we put them at 3, in hopes of benefiting LSU.

4: Works for me!

3: Me too:

Moderator: All in favor?

All: Ay

Moderator: #4? Which team do we think will lose to Georgia.

5: You know, Cincinnati only lost to Georgia by 3 points in the Peach Bowl.

1: That was last year. We never care about last year.

2: Right. Unless we’re talking about Alabama. Or Clemson. Or Ohio State. Or sometimes, Oklahoma.

3. Should Oklahoma be #4?

5: Oklahoma hasn’t beaten a ranked team. Cincinnati has.

2. Cincinnati also struggled against Tulane.

5: They won by 19 and trailed for barely a minute.

4. Cincinnati barely beat Navy.

5: They led 27-10 late in the game, and that same day, Oklahoma trailed for 3 quarters against Kansas.

1: They only beat Indiana by 14. Ohio State beat them by 47.

5: In week 4, Indiana still had QB1 and they had hope. The crowd was wild and the team believed in themselves. The team Ohio State beat was broken.

2: Well, that’s not Ohio State’s fault. Who broke them?

5: Cincinnati

1: I’m not giving Cincinnati credit for barely beating a middle-of-the-pack Big Ten team on the road.

3: Same. I think Ohio State should be 4. They have wins over Minnesota, Rutgers, Maryland.

5: Aren’t those middle-of-the-pack Big Ten teams?

3: No? Those are teams Ohio State beat. Try to keep up.

2: I think we should also include some of those guys in the rankings, you know to prop up Ohio State.

Moderator: So we think Ohio State #4?

1: Well, they did lose to Oregon. Right? Should that matter.

2: HAHA! Since when have we cared about losses?

4: Right. 2-3 losses is fine. It’s when you start to lose 5 or 6 games that makes it hard to rank these SEC teams in the top 10.

5: I vote Cincinnati at 4.

3: I vote Ohio State.

1: I think tiebreaker should be head-to-head.

4: Well, Oregon definitely beat Ohio State.

1: And Ohio State beat Cincinnati 42-0 in 2019.

5: Didn’t you say earlier that history isn’t taken into consideration.

2: Yes. No one cares about history, unless we are talking about Ohio State, Alabama, or Clemson.

Moderator: So Oregon 4, Ohio State 5?

All: Ay.

5: Okay, so Cincinnati 6?

1: Who have they even beaten?

5: Notre Dame.

4: Let’s put Notre Dame at 6. If they played again, I bet they’d win.

5: If Oregon played Ohio State again, who would win.

4: Who cares. Why is that relevant? They did play, and Oregon won so they are ranked ahead.

3: Yeah, this is a hypothetical. If Cincinnati and Notre Dame played on a neutral field, who would win?

5: But guys, they played. In South Bend. And Cincinnati won by 11.

3: But hypothetically, if the played again?

1: Let’s put an SEC team at 6. Have we talked about Ole Miss yet?

2: Well in terms of history, Ole Miss beat Indiana in a bowl game last year, and Cincinnati beat Indiana. So transitive property says Ole Miss would beat Cincinnati.

5: That’s not how it works.

3: How does it work?

5: Look, Cincinnati has a win over Notre Dame and they will have opportunities to play SMU and Houston.

2: Who cares about those teams? We’re not going to rank them.

1: Speaking of Texas, where do we rank them? They do have 4 wins, which is, I think 5th most in the country. So should they be 5th? Or I guess 6 since we have #5?

2: I like Texas, but maybe not in top 10. Iowa State though…they should be ranked high again. They were really good last year!

5. Cincinnati #6?

4: I like Cincinnati at #6, but I demand two conditions. Member 5 is kicked off committee for his absurd suggestions that Cincinnati belongs in this conversation. And second, is that we all agree to never move them higher than 6. Cool?

Moderator: All in favor:

All: AY!